Thursday, April 30, 2009

A place of belonging

I was called into doing a favor for my mother tonight. She co-leads a small group at our church on Wednesday nights, but my father was working and thus had their only car, which left her without a way to get to church. Hence the favor; Mother needed a ride there and back. So, I happily left my children with my husband, and I drove my mother to the small group meeting and stayed to participate.

Somewhere along the small group discussion of the last Sunday's sermon, the point was brought up we should take life one day at a time. That sometimes we are so stuck with the big picture, the destination, that we forget to observe and take in where we are at NOW.

My mother shared a story about my youngest son to illustrate... She was telling how my father, when he is working on something, he gets entirely focused on it, to the point that he does not notice what is going on around him. Mother watched as, upon arriving at their house, my son, Owen, walked over to say hello to his grandpa siting at his computer. My little guy stood there, right at his grandpa's elbow, waiting for his grandpa to see him, to notice him. Though, father never did. Mother relayed to the group how she had to call out to Father, get his attention forcibly, and show him that Owen wanted to talk to him. Once she did that, Father gave his full attention to his grandson and Mother told the group that it was wonderful to watch them in this exchange.

My mother shared that she, too, sometimes gets so focused on a project and will then miss opportunities to interact with my sons when we are over.

During that small group session tonight, I was fairly silent, busy thinking it all over, mulling it over in my mind. And on my drive home, thinking about it still.

I have actively made it a point these last 6 years, since my first son was born, to purposely take in all the daily little things, all the tiny details of my sons day to day lives. I do not want to miss anything. Everything about their little lives gives me such joy, such that it is nearly indescribable! And I do mean, EVERY detail...from the slobbery kisses and chocolate transferring hugs, to the dirty diaper changing, to the laughing and giggling tickle fests, to the screaming and complaining fits! I may get exhausted and exasperated at times with rotten behaviors and other such things, but I am always, always conscience of how little time I have with them, and I do not begrudge them even a second of my time and attention.

The Painter can surely tell you that I am frequently exasperated with him for what I consider to be "wasting time" doing meaningless and pointless activities in the name of relaxation. I know that he gets frustrated with me when I accuse him of it, and yet I see it in my minds eye as time just slipping through the cracks of life never to be replaced again. I simply wish for him to enjoy all the moments of tiny details in our lives and that of our children. (I even get myself caught up in guilt over time I spend, myself, doing pointless meaningless activities; so you see, it is not all directed at my husband.)

So many times, I wonder why did God design me this way. Why is it that I love to see all the details of life? Why is it that I abhor being busy? Why do I crave a sedate pace of living? I don't know the answers, I suppose I must take it up with my Maker.

There is one place that I know absolutely, without a doubt, that I fully belong... In my house and home, with my children beside me.