Humanity, the destruction of us

I despair of the world today. Supposedly, we live in an enlightened age, modern. However, I see so many parallels of this age to the one in which the ancient Noah lived. In his time, the men of the world were so very disposed towards evil, towards sin, that there was only one single man that still loved the Lord—Noah himself. Only one.

Currently we are all marveling over the world reaching a 7 Billion population mark, which evidently means that our advancements in the medical field have been keeping more and more people alive then ever before. I see that 7 billion mark rising, yet I see that the number of people in this human race truly loving the Lord dwindling.

So I despair. I despair over this belief I hold: humankind has become too smart for it’s own good and we hold too high a regard for the power of humanity. We are our own destruction.

Advancements in science, in technology and in ideas are commonly seen to be good for everyone, in no way harmful to us. The general idea being that all of these advancements only make our lives easier and better.

The Oxford Dictionary has this description that interests me:

modern:

·of or relating to the present or recent times as opposed to the remote past.

·characterized by or using the most up-to-date techniques, ideas, or equipment.

·[ attrib. ] denoting the form of a language that is currently used, as opposed to any earlier form.

·[ attrib. ] denoting a current or recent style or trend in art, architecture, or other cultural activity marked by a significant departure from traditional styles and values.

We have consequences to all of our modern advancements. We have scientists, authors, professors etc. with degrees—that ultimate showing of worth called “higher learning”—trying to convince all the rest of us that there really is no God, no divine Creator that made it all.

We have all the scientists that insist that faith and belief is a myth, that there is only room for so-called scientific facts, “facts” that are themselves only theories that have yet to be proven. We have scientists working to engineer food from chemicals to feed our masses, instead of real food.

We have technology that makes information instantly available to our fingertips and brings pornography into view with a single click. We give the newest technology to our teenagers enabling them to be “cyber” bullies destructing the lives of other kids. We enable our children to be unaccountable allowing them to spread gossip, slander and maliciousness among their peers with Tweets, texts and facebook updates.

We have intellectual ideas thrown around (“we are the 99%”) leading to protests and strife in a country that is renowned for it’s freedoms, it’s liberties and it’s entitlements. While arguments of ideas abound, around the globe we see millions of people being starved to death, abused or killed.

We live in a world where this “idea” is numerous and plentiful:

"In this modern day of science, there is no acceptable, appropriate, or moral substitute for professional medical care. "Faith" is nothing more than a mental construct; it does not accomplish anything tangible."

I just read this quote tonight. It was taken from a comment made to an article written about my neighbors, Shannon and Dale Hickman, and the sentence of 6 years in prison they were just given. They were tried for the death of their newborn infant son, who lived just a few hours after being born premature.

It does not matter whether or not I share my neighbors belief system. They have their beliefs and I have mine. What matters, and is so very concerning to me, is that we have so-called enlightened, modern people actively judging each other on our beliefs and values. We have laws that force so-called free people to get medical care whether it is wanted or not. We humans are all just so very smart, we seem to know just what is right and good for everyone else. We judge certain sets of parents, label them monsters and declare that they should rightly be hanged instead of imprisoned. All because we are outraged that a premature baby was supposedly just allowed to die while the parents did nothing but pray. But, let’s not talk about all the babies everyday that women ACTUALLY chose to murder by way of abortion. Let's not talk about that because the law allows it, it is legal, and if you follow the logic, is moral.

These quoted comments illustrate my point nicely:

“As long as you murder the child while it is still in the womb the "State" is OK with it and so are most of the people that are happy with the verdict. What if the State began to charge men and women who had abortions?”

“One word. Viability. The question you ask has been argued before. Really it has. The pro choice would say a child is not alive until it is born.”

“Frankly I could have cared less if they killed their own infant quickly, but they basically tortured it to death over 7 hours, that is messed up.”

The argument of ideas above is all too typical. Humankind can get all hyped up about a single case involving a belief system, faith, different than our own and we will judge and argue because the “LAW” of the land is on our side. Yet we can ignore millions because the law says that they are a non-issue.

Our modern, enlightened, intellectual culture has effectively erased the traditional beliefs, values and morals that have been held for generations. Human kind believes that truth, knowledge, power only comes from ourselves. Empowerment of the people. It discounts anything spiritual, anything with religious values or morals. It says that God does not matter, that He has nothing to do with the things on Earth. It holds that Faith is a lie, so lets slap criminal charges on any that try to say differently. Laws of the land should serve as our morals and guide our beliefs.

Therefore, I despair of all that.

This is truth, and it comes from THE ONE WHO IS TRUTH: There is a God and He created all things on Earth. Faith is not a lie and it CAN absolutely accomplish tangible things. Laws are not our guides to morals, only the Lord sets down the things that are right and wrong, sin or not. We should not judge our fellow man, it is not our right and we ourselves are not without sin. Jesus came to be our example to show love to everyone, even those that believe differently than ourselves. 


We have a guide by which we know these things, it's called the BIBLE. If we read it, study it, learn it's truth all the errors of this sad human thinking become evident. More important, by reading the word of the Lord, the Bible, we come to learn of God himself. We come to know him intimately, as a friend, as our Father, as our Creator, as our Lord and as our Savior from ourselves—from our sin. Our belief in him becomes real. Our faith is upheld in real tangible ways.


I know this truth because I live it. God, the Creator, is as real to me as the husband I lie next to at night, as real as the cat sitting on my lap, as real as the two sons I have born from my body. I know Him and He knows me. I speak to Him and He speaks to me. Just as the sun, trees and grass still exist even though the blind man cannot see them, I cannot see God with my physical eyes, but He is still there nonetheless. 

No matter how many of my fellow enlightened humankind try to say that God is defunct and no longer needed in this age of human empowerment and advancement, the God of all will always be needed. I just pray that more of these 7 billion could see that. And I will continue to pray for and uphold any of my neighbors that believe God, even if their beliefs are different than mine.

Rooted in Him

I took this July 2011 at the Yaquina Head Outstanding Natural Area

Imagine that you are a happy young sapling, atop a nice little promontory overlooking the sea. You are situated on a perfect grassy spot and you begin to spread your roots. It is a prime spot really, you can see for miles and as luck would have it, you are high above the sea and you will not have to worry about those nasty winter storms and their mighty crashing force.

You start to notice one day, after a few years, that you are listing slightly, instead of pointing directly upward you are now pointing a bit to the horizon. No worries, you just dig your roots down a little deeper and continue to enjoy your view.

Well, then, winter comes along and some of those nasty storms begin to concentrate on your prime little spot. You still feel secure atop your little hill and confident that everything will be swell. That is until the nice solid promontory you live upon starts to crumble beneath your roots. You see, the years of storms, of constant crashing waves, have weakened the structure on which you dwell. Now, all it took was a few nasty storms all in one season to bring you careening wildly downward, leaving you pointing directly into the sea. You are now hanging onto your hillside by only a few griping roots. You fear the worst. You are certain that your little roots will give way at any moment and send you crashing into the rocks below and swept out to sea.

However, those wonderful years you spent atop that promontory as a sapling turn out to be your saving grace. You dug your roots down deep into the crevices of the rock, past the sandy soil covering the grass which you enjoyed. Now those roots, being so deeply rooted are keeping you from your certain destruction. With your lifeline still clinging, your course abruptly changes, you start to grow directly upward again toward the life giving sun above you.  No more staring death in the face. No more listing toward the horizon. Your roots go deep and they have proven to withstand all the forces.

You grow up to be a beauty. Your roots are strong and holding. Your trunk, twisted and unsure at first, but then true and straight. Your branches are many, spread and covering. All of you is lifted and pointing above you. No longer do you look to the horizon or what is in front of you. No longer do you gaze down toward destruction. You have eyes only for the sun.
________

When I saw this tree while on vacation to Newport, Oregon, I knew there was something wonderful going on with this tree. It was more than just the awesomeness of nature at work. I saw in it a parallel example of our human lives and God. We ARE the tree.

As a Christian, I am rooted into my faith in God, my belief in Jesus Christ and my trust of the Spirit. It is for me as it was for this tree, I've been rooted in God since I was a child. I've been a Christian since as long as I can even remember. However, there have been years of my life when instead of looking upward, I've "listed" and looked around me and toward my horizon. I was more concerned with what I was doing within my little world. My roots were still there, but at times I was blind to them. Storms, trials and hardships came as they inevitably do and it sure seemed at times that I was looking destruction right in the face.

I remember one time in particular that it was just a thread of a root holding me back from the precipice I was dangling over. Life for myself and those I loved around me could have turned out so very different, so much more sad and awful, had I not been rooted the way I was in my faith and belief. Since that defining time I have grown only straighter, with my eyes firmly heavenward, toward the Son that bought me for my Father.  So very like this amazing tree, which is still holding on.

I reflect sometimes how wonderful it is to be the child of the One who created all things. There's such reassurance in that knowledge, to know that the God of all things loves me and cares for me and wants me to KNOW Him. It is so very reassuring to know that He will pick me up when I am falling and set me to growing straight again.

And this is not all to say that life rooted in my faith and belief in God is going to be easy. No, indeed, as Christians we are not guarantied an easy life free of strife, storms, sadness or pain. There are numerous instances of personal pain and suffering in my own short lifetime already that I know this to be true. It is part of the world in which we live in, far from perfect.

We are only guarantied that God will be with us and that we will someday be with Him if we willfully choose to walk with Him and to be rooted into Him and His Word, if we choose to believe and accept His Son.

I, for one, am very thankful to be so firmly rooted in Him.

A dream soon to be realized, hopefully

I have long held a dream: to own my own house. A place that would be my own, to do with just as I please; to paint, to landscape, to garden at, to have my children grow up in. I have had this dream since I was a little girl and now, nearing my 30th birthday, I still hold this dream.

I am closer to realizing this dream than ever before. I find myself day-dreaming and night dreaming about all the different possibilities. Like a child in a candy shop.

The painter and I have been waiting for years to even attempt a mortgage. Eight years ago, we moved across the country without jobs, newly pregnant, with the job market at an all time low for unemployment. What we optimistically thought would be relatively easy turned out to be several long hard months without work, searching for jobs, terrible morning sickness for me all while living in my sister's cramped house on her charity. Car payments, insurance premiums, moving costs, storage fees and life was piling up on our few credit cards.

An unfortunate circumstance, but not without it's life lessons.

The painter finally found work, becoming said painter. We found a great duplex apartment with an amazingly low rent. Eight years later, we still live in said apartment and the painter loves being a painter. However, the cost of being a stay at home mom, with only the painter working for money is that we have lived 7 years with debt that could never be repaid, credit shot to pieces.

However, as I said, it was not without life lessons. We have learned to live on a cash only, paycheck by paycheck, frugal basis. We use credit in emergencies only, which is a good way to live. We don't buy things that we don't need and we pay cash for the things we do. It has always worked out for us. We have been truly blessed and God has provided for all our needs.

A recent running of our credit reports showed us some very welcome news. All those negative marks are gone from our record. The hindrance to owning a home is no longer there. The time for searching for a place to call our own is now upon us.

An exhilarating feeling as well as daunting.

Where to start? What will be available? What can we afford? How much of a fixer-upper will we have to buy? Will it match my dream? Or will I have to settle?

Lots of questions, and at this point, not many answers. That's our process. What we've got to look forward to. God willing, though, my dream will soon be realized.

A past love

An old friend has returned. One I rather heartily wish would have stayed away. Insomnia. I have had a lifelong battle with the affliction, at times I hated it and at other times it was a dear friend. It has always been a wild unpredictable thing, coming and going as it pleased. However, over the past many years, it has been, curiously, seldom a problem. I think, upon reflection, that I can pin point it's disappearance with the pregnancy and birth of my second son, which means for the past 3 years I have not been visited by my friend, Insomnia.

If you ever had the affliction, you should know that it prevents you from sleeping even when you need it most. During insomnia bouts, my mind is active, racing from topic to topic, idea to idea, with absolutely no way to shut it down.

Which brings me to my past love. Writing. It is something I haven't done in earnest in years, four years to be precise. During these endless nights laying awake, my mind has revisited my favorite world, the world of make-believe, of story-telling. My imagination is captured anew and the thing I thought that I nearly lost, I have found again.

I did not expect to be able to pick up my writing again for many more years to come. I have two children at home that need my attention. Over these past years there has never been enough time for me to write. However, things seemed to have changed. Why? I am not sure. For how long? I am not sure about that either. All I know is that I am glad to have this chance to return to my past love again.

I have missed writing and I plan to immerse myself in this world of my own making until either my children holler for me or my Insomnia friend moves on again.

The dawning of Autumn

Cold weather is coming. This time of year is so lovely. All the trees have turned a vibrant yellow, orange or red, and some dull brown mixed in. The winds blow causing cold noses and cheeks to turn pink. Fallen leaves rustle around the streets, swirling and whirling. The rains have come, giving the air a cold dampness that penetrates a humble thin sweater.

It is the time of year you pack away the flip-flops and scrounge around for socks and warm fuzzy boots. The time of year to buy a new pair of house slippers and give your warmest robe a good washing.

A lovely time of year when we are reminded that for everything there is a season. The growing season comes to a close with the celebration of the Harvest. Fat grinning pumpkins grace the stoops of every door. Beautiful chrysanthemums show a bit of cheer in the nearly dormant flowerbeds.

Autumn, such a beautiful time of year.

A place of belonging

I was called into doing a favor for my mother tonight. She co-leads a small group at our church on Wednesday nights, but my father was working and thus had their only car, which left her without a way to get to church. Hence the favor; Mother needed a ride there and back. So, I happily left my children with my husband, and I drove my mother to the small group meeting and stayed to participate.

Somewhere along the small group discussion of the last Sunday's sermon, the point was brought up we should take life one day at a time. That sometimes we are so stuck with the big picture, the destination, that we forget to observe and take in where we are at NOW.

My mother shared a story about my youngest son to illustrate... She was telling how my father, when he is working on something, he gets entirely focused on it, to the point that he does not notice what is going on around him. Mother watched as, upon arriving at their house, my son, Owen, walked over to say hello to his grandpa siting at his computer. My little guy stood there, right at his grandpa's elbow, waiting for his grandpa to see him, to notice him. Though, father never did. Mother relayed to the group how she had to call out to Father, get his attention forcibly, and show him that Owen wanted to talk to him. Once she did that, Father gave his full attention to his grandson and Mother told the group that it was wonderful to watch them in this exchange.

My mother shared that she, too, sometimes gets so focused on a project and will then miss opportunities to interact with my sons when we are over.

During that small group session tonight, I was fairly silent, busy thinking it all over, mulling it over in my mind. And on my drive home, thinking about it still.

I have actively made it a point these last 6 years, since my first son was born, to purposely take in all the daily little things, all the tiny details of my sons day to day lives. I do not want to miss anything. Everything about their little lives gives me such joy, such that it is nearly indescribable! And I do mean, EVERY detail...from the slobbery kisses and chocolate transferring hugs, to the dirty diaper changing, to the laughing and giggling tickle fests, to the screaming and complaining fits! I may get exhausted and exasperated at times with rotten behaviors and other such things, but I am always, always conscience of how little time I have with them, and I do not begrudge them even a second of my time and attention.

The Painter can surely tell you that I am frequently exasperated with him for what I consider to be "wasting time" doing meaningless and pointless activities in the name of relaxation. I know that he gets frustrated with me when I accuse him of it, and yet I see it in my minds eye as time just slipping through the cracks of life never to be replaced again. I simply wish for him to enjoy all the moments of tiny details in our lives and that of our children. (I even get myself caught up in guilt over time I spend, myself, doing pointless meaningless activities; so you see, it is not all directed at my husband.)

So many times, I wonder why did God design me this way. Why is it that I love to see all the details of life? Why is it that I abhor being busy? Why do I crave a sedate pace of living? I don't know the answers, I suppose I must take it up with my Maker.

There is one place that I know absolutely, without a doubt, that I fully belong... In my house and home, with my children beside me.

Reinvention

Have you ever gotten to a point in your life that you wished to just reinvent yourself? I seem to find that I am now at that point, once again. I must have an internal cycle that gives me this urge to change every so often.

It was about 5 years ago I found myself in this situation. My firstborn was turning one year old and I was tired of how my life was: how I acted, how I dressed, what was important to me. With a shopping spree, courtesy of one of my sisters, I forsook my frumpy, schoolmarm type of clothes for the hip, fitted, cool mom style. I started reading some good books by Christian authors on being a good wife and mother, which in turn helped my attitude to get better. I often read my Bible and had prayer time. I changed my priorities and decided that family was very important to me. I'm sure many noticed the change in me then.

Presently, I am at that point of change, of reinvention, again. In my last post, you read how I have been unsatisfied and lost. This is part of that. I am unsatisfied with myself. I need a change of ME. I am now looking at my life, my family, and deciding what is good about it and what could do with some good changes.

For some time now I have been inspired by all the housewives of generations past. I've wanted to be more like them. However, what that meant for me and how to go about that I was not very sure.

Since having my very first son, and even still now that I have had a second, I have felt different than most of my generation. I have not shared in the thought that for a woman to be something, and be something good, that she must do so outside the home. I have never measured success in terms of what career I have, how much money I make, or what friends I am in a clique with, or how big my house is, or even what my husband does for a living. Success for me is how happy my family is, how well adjusted my children are, how well feed and loved my husband feels, paying the bills with just what we've got, clothing my family with the best bargains and quality I can find...

For the past several years, I thought that I have been pretty successful as far as my standards go. And in truth, I HAVE done a good job. However, when I get to this point of needing change and my reinvention stage, I have to take a good, hard look at things with fresh eyes.

I see things I want to change.

I want my house to be a peaceful one. I find that quite an alarming amount of yelling has gone on in this house since my second son was born. I am not satisfied with things staying that way any more. I want my house to be peaceful, a place of calm, of rational thought and action instead of a place of raging, uncontrolled feeling. I am often heard to say about this: "You have a choice to feel." It means that feelings should not control you; you decide just what you feel. You choose to feel upset about something. You choose to let your emotions rage or not. Emotions are valid; it is a choice how you deal with them. It is time that I practice this motto of mine better, much much better.

I want my house to have order. I want to be better at keeping things clean and picked up. I truly love a clean house. It makes me happy and puts me in a great mood. I just do not like to be the one to clean it ALL the time! That has been my feeling about it for years now. I want to change that now. I've been wasting years complaining about my housewife duties. It's time I get over it, reinvent that part of me, and get happy with keeping things clean MYSELF.

Again, I find I want to change my wardrobe. For two years, since the birth of my second son I have worn nothing but pants. When you find yourself breastfeeding a baby, there's not much practicality in dresses. Now that I am done with that part of Owen's life, I want my dresses back. I have always had an affinity for a pretty dress. I dreamed about the day that they would come back into vogue; that day is here and I couldn't be more ready to reinvent that part of my life!

These are just a few of the things that I will be reinventing. There will be many others, I am sure. Perhaps I shall share them with you again as I follow this, my latest path of reinvention.

The path that leads Home

I have been in a state of desolation for some time now. It is a cumulation of many things... the slow work for my husband and therefore the inability to pay for our groceries, the receiving of our tax return and having to spend it on groceries/bills, the cold gloomy weather, my children and their listening and behavioral issues... Alas, the list could really go on and on. However, it is just a laundry list of petty issues that, ordinarily, would not make it onto my vexations list; there is a bigger issue at heart here.

I am away from God. Not to say that He has forsaken me, or that He is not still with me. The fact of significance here is that I am the one who has left God. As I sit here and reflect over the past year, I can see that it was not an intentional directional change on my part, no, indeed, it was more of a gradual slipping of daily disciplines and a weekly abnegation of Sunday's sermons in favor of service in the nursery.

I have feelings of aloneness; even with children always around me, a husband to love me, my parents to visit with, sisters to shop with; the aloneness continues unabated. My spirit knows that none of these things, these wonderful people, can fill my aching need. That need can be filled by none other than God Himself.

I have feelings of dissatisfaction which bothers me since I have always practiced (and preached!) that to be satisfied with ones lot is a choice. My well of satisfaction that springs from my Lord is dry.

I have feelings of frustration, with everyone and anyone; my husband, my children, my parents, my siblings, my church, the world...!

My center (my Lord and Father) is off-center. He is not in His proper place. I have not put Him in his proper place. I have continually made the wrong choice of forgoing my daily talks with Him, to forgo my reading of His Word in favor of TV, housework, the children, etc...

The chasm that I now face seems to be an insurmountable obstacle; it separates me from what I want most. My heart yearns for it, the closeness with my Father, but my mind deceives me into thinking that He will not want me after my callous behavior. What utter nonsense, what reckless drivel I deceive myself with. Of course my Lord, my God, my Father will want me! He will open his arms wide and receive me afresh! My spirit will be enveloped by His, and my dark shroud will vanish away.

"Oh, my Father! How I cry out to you! My spirit mourns your presence, my heart yearns and longs for your loving embrace! What life I have been living, what horrid deadness have I felt away from you. Why must I be so deceived to not want you near me? Why must I be forever separated from you? Oh, how the chasm seems so vast! The weight of my disobedience and sin are heavy with me. The darkness surrounds me with it's seductive lure.

"Yet, I can see the small light still aglow! There is hope in me after all; my Father has not forsaken me! Oh, how I praise you, your wonderful glory! Your amazing unconditional love that stays with me forever. It bridges that chasm such that I laugh at the sight of what I once thought was so insurmountable! What a puddle it was, what a downright pebble in my shoe. Such a small thing, so easily rectified by simply calling out your all-powerful name!

"How silly I have been, how childish I have become. Forgive me, my Father, I am your wayward child; I need your guidance and your direction. I will forever skirt the path to darkness without your light to guide me.

"How I praise you, oh, how I love you. What kindness you show me, what loving discipline you deal me. Shine your light on me, my Lord, scatter the darkness to the four corners, banish it into exile. You are all I need, Father. Amen"

Life's short...the list, long

I think that life is just too short to get done all the things you would like to do in a lifetime...

I've been away from my sewing projects for years and I am just now finding the time to take it up again.

I think it would be great to get into quilting. I've always wanted to.

I would love to be able to scrapbook more...I think I only have a few handfuls of pages done in my scrapbook with box after box, not to mention jpg after jpg, more to do!

I have a table and 4 chairs that desperately need refinishing and reupholstered. I have other woodworking projects that I *hope* someday to get around to doing.

My art is neglected, too. I used to draw all the time. I get out my sketch book sometimes and look at all the lovely drawings I've done. Not too long ago, after one such perusal, I tried drawing a picture...it was really sad. I'm so out of practice, the baby face I was drawing came out all wrong! So frustrating and disappointing.

Don't even get me started about how much I miss writing...spending hours at a time lost in a world of my own making... creating and crafting characters that I come to love and stories that seem so real to me.

And this is not even mentioning all the things I've never done, or haven't done in years and years, but would really like to take up. Things like... hiking, skiing, running (or even walking), biking--my poor bike just sits in the shed just begging to be used!

Oh, and all the vacation spots I would just love to visit! Victoria Island again, Hawaii again, the United Kingdom, Ireland, Germany...

I suppose that I am just too big a dreamer, too much inspires me to create. I am not satisfied with just one of these areas. No, I want them all! They are all a part of me, so essential to my being.

God made so many wonderful things for us in this world. I marvel at His creation. I marvel at the Earth He made and I marvel still at the humans He put here. What scope, what range, what an awe-inspiring concept of life He patterned us for.

"Thank you, God, and may you help me to accomplish some of the things on my 'list'!"

Slumber's repose

The house is quiet. The only noise heard is the whining whirl of the computer and the tapping of the keyboard. Though, listening closer, the slight sound of air being drawn in I can hear... 'tis Rev, my big old kitty keeping me company atop the desk. There too, I can detect the sounds of Terry's sleeping breaths... and the fountain like quality of the irksome fish tank in the living room... Ergo, not as quiet as I first thought.

Peaceful still.

Now I remember why I like the night, why I find it hard to sleep even when I may be truly tired. It is my time, borrowed from light and snatched whence I can find it. No one needs me, I do not need to rush, the time belongs to me. No meals to make, no chores to do, no talking, no arguing or fussing.

It is like an addiction I want back, a lover I can't give up. Oh, blissful quiet night, I miss our times together.